I believe the word we are looking for is success.

Hello, old friends. New friends. People I may or may not be acquainted to. Thank you for coming.

It's been a while, hasn't it? I mean, I've been away longer than what I thought was going to be. Apologies to the greatest level. But here are some things that have happened.

1) Applied, and got accepted, to Massey University, starting this year. Rule that one off my list.
2) Have had almost one month straight not arguing with my mother. That, I have to say, is an incredible feat. We are like oil and water, us two. But it seems as if we have been sitting comfortably right beside of each other. It's really great.
3) I have written seventeen chapters of my book. SEVENTEEN. This whole thing is becoming a reality. Published author? I am well on my way.
4) I have lost weight.

Number four is pretty good, isn't it? Now don't get too excited, but I will explain briefly how it came about.

About a month ago, I did a weeks worth of the Lemon Detox diet, which basically rids your insides of toxins, while promoting weight loss. It really wasn't hard to be without food and live off the drink that they give you, but they also insist that you drink a certain tea before you go to sleep and when you wake up. Senna tea. Basically, it is a laxative tea which demands that your stomach spasms while you 'flush' everything out. Lovely. Painful sometimes, but beneficial. Looking back now, it was really good to get my body cleared.

So, since then, it has been amazing. I can't  even describe it.

Since detoxing, I have realized that I don't actually want to put bad things into my body. Even nearing up to Christmas, I have tapped into the strength to say no. I have baked for friends and family, messes of chocolate and buttery goodness, and haven't put a bit of it to my mouth. Despite previously needing at least one (that's at the absolute least, because usually it was much more) drink of a diet soft drink each day, I have turned to water as my companion. I was kind of worried about withdraws, but I have managed well.

With this new amazing outlook, I have also gone back to running in the mornings. Pushing myself out of bed at  seven in the morning, I am running up hills and down them, a good twenty-five minute cardio overthrow. It may not sound like a long time, but I am sweating by the end of it. So, that happens for three days in a row, then I take one day off for a bit of a sleep in.

I haven't weighed myself, either. Sorry to disappointed. I told you all that I would give details, but I promise, If I wanted to play that way, I would certainly have given you the measurements. But you have to trust me, I think. I promise you all that my health has been on the rise, and I feel stronger and better than ever.

I think I will have one more post before Christmas. But nevertheless, have an amazing holiday. Celebrate with your family and friends.Remember the day and who it is ultimately for. It's important.

Success.

After a whole month, I think I have the hang of this.

I have discovered something amazing, which many many little people take for granted. Shoulder bones. The ones that are just underneath the neck, sometimes horizontal. I don't know if they are called shoulder bones. Probably not. Collarbones? I think thats it. But seriously, I am beginning to become attached. Because this time last year, I would have sworn that I was not actually born with them. But, as this heath thing gets better and better, I can see them. And I like them.
I need to reveal something. I have been eating well for one week and one day. That sounds strange, seeing as if one month ago, I was contemplating fitting into a bikini by Christmas. But my idea was with a quick fix diet, which is not really safe for long term. And then I went on my roller coaster of absurdity, which has finally come to a halt.
So, what changed?
First of all, I know it has been a week. One week and one day, precisely. I know its too early to be saying anything much, but I firmly, truly, amazingly believe that I have finally hit the nail on the head.
Right. Positivity. Rule one.
This might sound corny, and believe me, I think its almost ridiculous. But its helping, and thats what I can count on it for. Its my Belief Board. A small canvas, readily available to write down my positive thoughts on it. I am waiting for it to become a messy collaboration of sentimental goodness, and I know that that time will come. But for now, written in the middle is 'I believe that...', and then I write down positive statements about this "Health Gain." For example, one says "I will live to see myself a size ten". Another, in the words of Adam Lambert, "I am a sure fire winner." It sounds weird, the entire thing. But writing is what I do. Things seem more real when they are written down.
Another thing is, I have managed to rid from my head the idea of calling my change a 'diet'. It is especially hard to do, when living in a society that seems to diet every second day, but I believe that it is a lifestyle change. I am happy, because I am free from it.
My body isn't supposed to change in a week. After years of crap stuff forced into my frame, its not supposed to go away quickly. I have come to realize this. And I am happy taking care of me.

Happy, happy, happy.

Why, hello again. Crap happens.

Here is a fun fact. Did you know that only one Gooey Caramel Memphis Meltdown has a zillion percent of your recommend daily intake of energy? In other words, way over the limit.

Now, that may well be exaggeration, but when I ate one, it was as if magic had exploded, and I felt incredible. And then I said to myself, why the hell did I just eat that?

Now. I haven't written in a while, and truth be told, I am dreading saying that I have failed. This is what was meant to be the change in my life, and it lasted for two weeks.

Right. So, heres the information, and then I am going to tell you what happens next.

First of all, I had an amazing first two weeks. I found out my weight, and I worked damn hard to change it. I went for runs in the morning, I drank the pacific ocean's equivalent of water, and ate exactly the right food, exactly  when I should have. It was strict, manageable, and I felt good.

Then, Monday morning, I hopped on the scales again, and got incredibly angry.

Nothing had changed! I was still a disgusting 77, and I had worked so damn hard! granted, it was only two weeks, but still. This Body Trim thing, the evil that it is, was meant to make me lose at least one kilo a week, safely. After two weeks and no change, my hope fell and so did my dignity for myself.

Ergo, a week or ups and downs.

First three days, I was the human version of the Cookie Monster, but with a variety of foods, and not just the biscuits that Elmo pronounces as a "Sometimes" food. Yeah. That was great on the self-esteem.

Then happened two days of starving myself because I realized that I was close enough to eighty kilos, that I could easily reach that again with all my eating. Weird fact, however, that eating nothing was much, much easier that eating what was on the body trim plan.

But I got hungry, and blew it this morning. The Morning! Now I have ruined the rest of my day. Good one, idiot.

But, after all of that sob story, I need to reevaluate. And heres what I am proposing. It comes in three points.

One: This blog site may well be called Bikini By Christmas, but in hopes that I am not doing this for vanity's sake, but rather my own well-being, I am going to be HAPPY BY CHRISTMAS. Happy includes being fit and healthy. Happy includes getting along with my family. Happy means enrolling for university. Happy means managing my money well. Happy means moving upward in my faith., Happy means being content and not needing anything to change.

Two: I have come to the conclusion that I am both lacking in money and also unable to follow any particular rulebook when it comes to dieting. I don't like it. I want to do this myself. So, starting tomorrow, I will be a vegetarian. It sounds extreme, but I believe that having to decide what I want to eat around the inability to eat meat will also encourage me to stay on track. I know I haven't worded that correctly, but i know what I mean and I guess it's up to you guys to make sense of that. It also means cutting out fast food, something I rarely have anyway, and including better things in my diet. This is not a diet. It is a change. Also, vegetables are cheaper than meat, and since I am paying for my food now, it will help greatly with 'Happy is managing my money well."

Three: I hate the scales. Loathe them. They tell you mean stuff. So, as is earlier in the year when I didn't get on the scales to see my progress, I wont be doing that anymore. I know that means now that there wont be any hard facts on this blog to go by my progress, unless you count clothing size, but this is primarily for me, just with a bit of an audience. So, if you still want to read all these words, I invite you to keep following my journey. But if you don't, thats cool too.

So, there you have it.

I may have slipped, but since I am still writing, I still haven't given up hope.

After writing that last line, I never realized how cheesy some of these sentences sound.

Ha.

The Magic Number.

77. Thats just about the ugliest number I have ever seen in my life. Of course, I would have said that to any number that I didn't like if it showed up on the scales.

77. 77. 77. 77.

That number has been repeating in my head. 77. I before my lapse I weighed in at 74. Seventy-Seven. It rolls off the tounge too awkwardy. I don't like it. 77.

So, on Monday morning I wake up, terrified to get of the mechanical beast that humans call 'scales'. I wander in to the kitchen, and brace myself for the truth. I step on them. Then call my mother over to check if I was seeing things or not.

"I think they are broken." I tell her, slightly miserable.

She ushers me off, rearranging them so that the little marker shows exactly on zero, and tells me to hop on again. So I do.

"Seventy Seven." She says finally, and then looks up at me. "I wouldn't want to be you, getting on these scales. What with all of the junk you have been eating lately."

Wow. Thanks Mother. Glad to know you have my back.

Now, this has happened to me before on a health plan. Back then, I got told the number, was extremely disappointed, then ate some chocolate that ruined the rest of my day. This time I knew better, and I am incredibly proud of the way that I guzzled down almost a litre of water, and then went for a long walk to clear my head. I am not letting a silly number ruin what I am trying to achieve.

So, there you have it. The crappy number of 77, which is going to be used to see my progress for the next few months. I will never like the number 77, so that is why I will change it to a number more pretty.

What do you think about 60? I think it has a certain ring to it, don't you?

The Hunger Games.

"Despite the groosling and the fish, my stomach's growling, and I know I'm going to have what we call a hollow day back in District 12. That's a day where no matter what you put in your belly, it's never enough." -The Hunger Games, Page 238.

Wow. To sum it all up in a quote from one of my favourite books. Good on me.

Three days of simple 50gram snacks of low-fat, low-calories, low-fun protein has been a tad of a challenge. Nothing I couldn't handle, but I have felt stomach-empty. That's what I didn't like. On this Body Trim weight-loss program, it says that you have to have one of these lovely snacks every 2-3 hours, but if you really need it, wait at least one hour between snacks. There is a very logical reason to this insanity, and that is so that your body will cleanse itself from all of the crap, and that it begins to reset your fat-burning metabolism. I have done it, and I have done it well, despite being sort of hungry, sort of all the time.

But this whole weight-loss thing isn't meant to be easy. I'd be lying to myself if I say that I can get through it unscathed. Because it is not just a physical-equasions-counting-calories deal, it's a war between mind and gut, and right now, as I am writing this, all I really want is a cheeseburger from McDonalds. But I won't. Because it is a choice that I have to make for my own good.

Enough of that kind of talk.

I want to say to you that I have the biggest thighs in New Zealand.

Perhaps that is an exaggeration, but I feel as that they are certainly in the top rankings. I wouldn't be so pessimistic about this one little thing, or two big things, rather, if the rest of my family hadn't been blessed with the slimmist legs that can compete with those girls on the cover of magazines. I don't know how I inherited these thunder thighs, because my father was all skin and bones, and my mother, although prieviously bigger than me, carried her weight around her middle.

But, just to let you know that I will fight for my rightful inheritance. I should, without a doubt, have those skinny legs. And I will fight to get them. By Christmas, of course. When else?

That is all. Weigh in Monday, everyone! Come and read what I am incredibly embarrassed to tell. But it is all for the journey. Even this.

The Launch.

Ready your engines, people. Because this rocket is taking off.

Hello. Welcome back. 

Had a great first day today. And let me tell you why.

I finished my first of three protein-only days, where only small servings of trim meat are allowed every 2-3 hours. Sure, no problem. I also extreme-cleaned my bedroom, which meant that every empty packet of food was thrown out, and  every piece of clothing that was even the slightest bit too big went to the donation box at Westgate. That means there is absolutely no way I can turn this around. Its a definite. I took my dog for a forty minute walk-run in the rain, then went on the ol' Ab-King pro, which made my stomach not feel so wobbly. I guzzled down my three litres of water, and that made my bladder return to its usual weak self. 

I want this. I want it, I want it, I want it. 

I realized this afternoon what kind of promise I had made to both the internet and myself. It's not as if i didn't intend to keep it. I certainly do want to see this through in all of its glory. But I realize now the gravity of the situation I have thrown myself into. This is now a publicized battle, for anyone and his domesticated animal to have a look-see. It is a very different circumstance to earlier in the year where my struggle was very much secretive, a war between my stomach and mind. I didn't bring it up to anyone, and would brush off compliments as soon as they were said. It's not that I didn't enjoy them, because I certainly did. It was more the fact that I felt it a very private matter, where it was strange to have someone else on my side.

But now, I have people to fall back on. I have people reading this now, because I asked nice enough. They are beautiful, wondrous people. And I give every thanks I can for their support.

On Monday morning, I will do a weigh-in, and give you some results. From there, it will be official weekly updates about my progress, but other musings will be done more infrequently.

Wish me luck.

Day 0. Welcome Aboard.

Hello adoring fans, people that know me, or people that have somehow (but miraculously) stumbled across my little part of the internet. Welcome. Come and have a cup of tea. I don't drink tea myself, but you can certainly have one.

This is going to be the last day of eating like a starved person that has just met a buffet. This is the last day of being an idiot when it comes to food. This is the last day of pretending I am already finished with this whole 'weight loss' issue. Because the truth is? I have only just made a small step regarding my health, and it seems, over the last few months, I have taken an entire leap backwards, with only myself to blame.

So. Here are the facts.

My name is Trinette Wastney. I am nineteen years old. I live at home. I am currently single. I have a job. I have people who love me. And I have people who have previously looked up to me with this whole weight-loss thing, and the last thing I want to do is to pile it all back on.

I started losing weight so that I would feel as if I was good enough for this one, particular boy. With my weight at a disgusting NINETY FOUR KILOGRAM, I had the New Years Resolution to kill off all my fat cells, and to finally feel worthy. In the first few months, I went from a size 20 to a size 14. Which, is pretty good, if I do say so myself.

But I have fallen into a lapse. And it's a lapse that I want to break free from.

So, I will share with you my journey in finishing the race. I will share everything with you, and not leave out any disgusting, horrible, embarrassing fact. I have made excuse after excuse, from needing to start a diet on a Monday, and Jury Duty making it difficult to eat small portions at the correct time.

But no more excuses. I want to be in a bikini by Christmas.

So, this is my 16th of September resolution: To go hard, and by Christmas, know that I put in every effort I could muster, In order to change my life.